I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
