The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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