Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
