Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize