hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What did we do last night that was yellow?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
