Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.