Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year