dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?