I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.