i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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