she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
