dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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