Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
