She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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