you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
