Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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  (847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever. http://tfl.nu/o6xg
  Replies (31) Good night (695) Bad night (5344)
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  (805): View more from California

  I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.

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  (805): I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/p5hg
  Replies (8) Good night (2158) Bad night (3014)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had

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  (973): we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had http://tfl.nu/lrsc
  Replies (18) Good night (6630) Bad night (649)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.

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  (413): My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers. http://tfl.nu/7b3u
  Replies (46) Good night (8825) Bad night (1688)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

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  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (3107) Bad night (7999)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...

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  (905): oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"... http://tfl.nu/xa6k
  Replies (18) Good night (5123) Bad night (2102)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple

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  (830): What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple http://tfl.nu/5qs4
  Replies (9) Good night (4035) Bad night (968)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's never too late to be topless.

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  (614): It's never too late to be topless. http://tfl.nu/ybgn
  Replies (11) Good night (3038) Bad night (960)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.

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  (717): You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/k5p0
  Replies (6) Good night (645) Bad night (2370)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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  (734): The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake. http://tfl.nu/3nh1
  Replies (2) Good night (1180) Bad night (756)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.

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  (906): Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too. http://tfl.nu/qk1z
  Replies (10) Good night (1318) Bad night (778)
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  (212): View more from New York

  you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window

  (212): View more from New York

  i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there

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  (212): you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window (212): i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there http://tfl.nu/q2cr
  Replies (3) Good night (1037) Bad night (497)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"

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  (502): Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights" http://tfl.nu/0e71
  Replies (1) Good night (872) Bad night (457)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.

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  (412): Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face. http://tfl.nu/ja8q
  Replies (1) Good night (256) Bad night (484)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.

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  (780): It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller. http://tfl.nu/7k3f
  Replies (6) Good night (916) Bad night (360)

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