Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.