Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.