i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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