i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
