I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
