I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
