Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize