just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
