Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
