Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
