thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
