Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
