I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
