There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
