omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
