Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
