Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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