the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
