no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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