After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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