There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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