3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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