I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
