hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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