We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
