do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
