I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
