I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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