Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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