Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
