yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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