last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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