Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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