I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
