I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
