Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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