I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
