White coat. Heels.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
