Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A bitchslap is in order.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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