Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
