you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
