The maid of honor just puked.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
