I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
