just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
