Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

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  (505): I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously. http://tfl.nu/fpp3
  Replies (23) Good night (3171) Bad night (868)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect

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  (317): I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect http://tfl.nu/eleg
  Replies (13) Good night (1195) Bad night (2433)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.

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  (636): I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila. http://tfl.nu/ecf3
  Replies (15) Good night (5106) Bad night (851)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i have a dinosaur tramp stamp

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  (303): i have a dinosaur tramp stamp http://tfl.nu/rh7q
  Replies (60) Good night (8339) Bad night (2237)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.

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  (443): the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this. http://tfl.nu/g4cn
  Replies (8) Good night (4965) Bad night (2133)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere

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  (989): there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere http://tfl.nu/hg2l
  Replies (12) Good night (1271) Bad night (2957)
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  (220): View more from

  Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.

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  (220): Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me. http://tfl.nu/ml84
  Replies (14) Good night (2623) Bad night (1148)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow

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  (206): I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow http://tfl.nu/8ygv
  Replies (27) Good night (2526) Bad night (1089)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.

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  (773): You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms. http://tfl.nu/8prv
  Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (448)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.

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  (850): Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/ipen
  Replies (9) Good night (2722) Bad night (523)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  Do you have any forwarding contact info?

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  (804): Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface? (1-804): Do you have any forwarding contact info? http://tfl.nu/ibaz
  Replies (3) Good night (864) Bad night (342)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.

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  (646): Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini. http://tfl.nu/wt6x
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (335)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?

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  (905): So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose? http://tfl.nu/yuqf
  Replies (12) Good night (381) Bad night (1348)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.

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  (302): I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover. http://tfl.nu/nbnu
  Replies (1) Good night (183) Bad night (415)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH

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  (704): DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH http://tfl.nu/wpe1
  Replies (1) Good night (383) Bad night (161)

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