i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐