1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.