i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes