If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth