You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.