Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.

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  (440): he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever. http://tfl.nu/ykgr
  Replies (64) Good night (9857) Bad night (1069)
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  (951): View more from California

  Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

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  (951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g
  Replies (16) Good night (931) Bad night (5743)
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  (310): View more from California

  my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

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  (310): my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings. http://tfl.nu/sarg
  Replies (28) Good night (1266) Bad night (6989)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives

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  (970): Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives http://tfl.nu/k0eh
  Replies (13) Good night (3532) Bad night (1046)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome

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  (609): You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome http://tfl.nu/6r0p
  Replies (7) Good night (3991) Bad night (816)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.

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  (850): I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think. http://tfl.nu/r53a
  Replies (7) Good night (1184) Bad night (2718)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

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  (858): He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities http://tfl.nu/i2zo
  Replies (3) Good night (2840) Bad night (712)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.

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  (519): he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today. http://tfl.nu/4qok
  Replies (4) Good night (3270) Bad night (670)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?

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  (732): He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it? http://tfl.nu/l4jt
  Replies (13) Good night (2431) Bad night (1298)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.

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  (774): I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded. http://tfl.nu/9sgj
  Replies (7) Good night (1511) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.

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  (920): Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder. http://tfl.nu/33o4
  Replies (0) Good night (844) Bad night (718)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...

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  (540): I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff... http://tfl.nu/wq37
  Replies (3) Good night (530) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.

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  (678): I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success. http://tfl.nu/rhn6
  Replies (4) Good night (1370) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.

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  (+27): Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything. http://tfl.nu/71ow
  Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.

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  (443): Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months. http://tfl.nu/088h
  Replies (1) Good night (483) Bad night (582)

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