The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.