how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza