I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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