My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
