M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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