he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
