i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
