I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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